The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/28/16
Thank you for your submission. I see where you are going with this, but it needs several breaks with paragraphs to understand. Perhaps starting with "Before they were born, HE made a Calendar for them with the dates and achievements during these times specifically written out..." then following up with the beginning of your material. Keep writing! God Bless!
10/28/16
There is some very strong imagery here.

It's difficult to follow, however. I'm unclear whether you intended this as a free verse poem or as prose; in either case, it's somewhat lacking in focus and flow.

I'd recommend that you present this as poetry, but with less density of words, to give your readers a visual break.

The concept of using HIS calendar is a creative one.
Your descriptive verse describes both individuals and congregations or churches. Many have taken their hands out of THE HAND THAT CAN. There is no safety here but they do not see it. The parable of the sower indicates the different kinds of soil or hearts. Those planted in the good soil keep their hand in THE HAND THAT CAN AND WILL. The others are lost.

I like your style of describing the different ways we might be walking.
10/31/16
Your poem seems to call to those who have forsaken God’s way to travel their own path, and your concern for them shines through.
Sometimes, especially with poetry, pages with lots of words and little white space seems crowded and can overwhelm the reader. Breaking a long poem into stanzas gives the eye some white space to rest and makes a long poem more inviting.
You make some excellent points. We are all trudging through the years, yet we do have a purpose. I felt a bit bogged down with this. It felt like you were saying the same thing over and over and I think you could have cut this to a third, made your point and it would have been more powerful. I do like your message. I believe you have a passion to help others find the truth.