The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
The ideas you presented are good for people to talk about and discuss. Thank you for bringing these up.

I found some words left out of some sentences. I could still understand what you were saying though. I liked the extra space between the paragraphs. That make reading easier. When you proof read your work, use a pencil and point to each word and read them aloud. By doing this you will find many of your own mistakes.

Keep thinking about these kind of areas that need to be talked about.
You started with something personal and then moved on to something more general. Readers like that. You also gave examples of what your small group talks about. Then right at the end you make a recommendation to the reader what they should do if they want to have what you have. Would you share your writing with your small group and ask them to come along the journey with you? But it's a good idea to keep names and details private. Readers get the message and the people around you feel safe.
Wonderful message and well done.

God bless~
You had great ideas, but you need to work on not changing verb tenses. Also need to proofread to find left out words etc. Good start.