The Official Writing Challenge
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This story has good characters, suspense, conflict, and a clear message. Some of the dialog and thoughts didn't sound realistic to me. You can put internal dialog in italics to show that it is a thought. You definitely did a good job of writing on the topic. You've got a great foundation of an interesting story here. With a bit of tweaking, I see a lot of potential in it. Nicely done.
08/02/16
You should have named your character Paul. :) I like your story. There's lots of room for growth. Keep on writing and reading. Practice helps so much. Good job!
08/02/16
This is a unique approach, and I loved it. I'm a big fan of natural-meets-supernatural stories, and I noticed multiple layers of depth and meaning.

I really like how you inserted "Scene 2." I've never seen this done in a Challenge piece. These entries have such a small word count, it's nearly impossible, and often not advisable to include more than one scene. But this was a brilliant way to do overcome that obstacle.