The Official Writing Challenge
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07/14/16
That was certainly a long trip for Doris. I like the ending. God bless.
07/14/16
It was a good story, on point. However, there were a number of errors; I think many were due to a lack of last minute proofreading. You need white space and paragraphing for simpler reading. It was a good story, but the mistakes sort of detracted as they took my mind off the flow of it.
You told an interesting story that was definitely on topic. I could relate to Doris since I rarely take public transportation. I've been on the subway only a few times and it was beyond stressful for this country girl. :)

I purposely used the word told in my first sentence. Many writers struggle against the old show don't tell mantra. If you used more showing, this would catapult this from an interesting story into a fantastic one. For example, if I were helping you edit this, I might suggest something like this: For years, Doris avoided taking the train, but today she had no choice. She groaned as she wedged herself into the last available seat. Doris-girl, you shoulda paid better attention. Only a ninny would get on the local instead of the express. Sighing, Doris reached into her bag and pulled out her Bible. Well, one thing I've learned from my past mess ups is to make the best of a bad situation. I've got the time, I might as well figure out what God is trying to tell me in this passage.
By adding her thoughts and body language, you can paint a more vivid picture for the reader. The other advice I'd offer is don't use exclamation points except maybe in dialog. Instead, let your word choice do your exclaiming for you.
Lastly, the real conflict here is Doris going to the courthouse to find out if she'll do jail time for her DUI. That's a great conflict that almost everyone can relate to. I'd focus on that instead of the part about the backpacks and tampering. It added some suspense to the story, but to me, it really didn't feel resolved. This is just my opinion, but I was more intrigued by the pending courthouse visit. I'd have loved to hear more about her repenting over the DUI and worrying about what she would do if she did have to go to jail. The other stuff didn't feel as real to me.

With that said, you have the foundation for a stunning story here. I think it was quite creative to use two forms of the topic in the story. I also really liked your MC. She messed up (who hasn't?), yet she's striving to do better. She's taking the train when many would be bold enough to drive to the courthouse. Doris is a great character. You did a good job of delivering your message while keeping me entertained.
07/15/16
Shann is right, using two meanings of the word 'commute' was cool.

I also liked the acrostic.

Everything is here to make a great story if you follow Shann's advice.

'Show and tell' is still very hard for me.

Keep writing - God bless.
07/18/16
A lot has already been said. Just one more point. It's hard to read without white space. That's a simple fix. Bless you.
07/19/16
Love the transformation of the MC. Heartwarming. Growing up in small towns in the South, public transportation is not a part of my life, except, when we travel to big cities around the country and internationally. It is fun reading about public commutes. I think I would rather like one as it seems you have time to to something other than drive. I really like the advice already given and cannot constructively add to it.