The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/03/16
I didn't get the middle part. I am probably just super dense. I liked the ending truths.
You have a delightful sense of humor. I found myself chuckling quite a bit. The fact that you laugh at yourself is quite enjoyable too. I think it's something we all need to do from time to time. You showed me a valuable lesson at a time when I really needed it.

I think your change in mid story was a bit jarring. With a little time, I think you could make the Finnish topic work. With your sense of humor, I could see you do something about how the Finnish are great at finishing.
Also, your opening line isn't a complete sentence (you forgot to finish it ;) ) You could fix it easily like this:

Finland, the Land of the Midnight Sun, the land of 188,000 lakes and 179,000 islands, home to reindeer and to Nokia is one of the few countries that increases in size every year (peacefully) whether the Finns like it or not.
Or even better, make it an active sentence instead of a passive one: Finland...expands in size...and the Finns multiply. (I'm sure with your sense of humor, you could do it even better than my pitiful example.)

I like your message at the end, although it too felt a tiny bit forced. Again, I think you could have gotten your message out with the Finnish hook and some finagling. You don't need to tell the reader your message, instead let her figure it out from your great examples and humor. You have a great foundation here, and you definitely have a gift for storytelling. I loved the line about the unpronouncable word. Actually, that is the start of reeling in the actual topic. You could do something like: I wonder if the Finnish have a word for "Knock it off already and finish!" I hope I don't come off as overly critical. You really have a bunch of raw talent. I suspect the more you write and read and critique other challenges, you will blossom in ways you can't even hope for. God has great plans for you. I'd love to challenge you to read and comment on every story in your level. The more you read, the easier it is to discover what does and doesn't work for you. I sense your passion and your desire to spread that love you feel to others. It's palpable. Keep writing; I look forward to reading more of your work. Great job.