The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is an engaging little story. Unfortunately, it is full of errors, perhaps due to lack of a good, close proofreading. The writing was so good I hope you will pay attention to the details.
The MC in this story had lots of bravado.

I found a few areas that needed revision:

it should read gauze not gaze.

I didn't understand this sentence:
If a bloody biker asked threatened to come ask him on a date he would be fearful too.

What is a smile knowing smile?

Interesting story. Here's a way to catch grammar mistakes: read your story out loud before posting it. Get it quickly written and leave it alone for a few days if you can. I am always surprised by the goofs I discover when I do that.
I really enjoyed the whole story. You have a great imagination!

Keep it up.