The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 240 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/06/16
This is a gripping story of the stark reality many poor children around the world are facing. In spite of their hardship, they are happy to do something to help their family. The title shows their joy regardless of their situation.
This is a charming story. I enjoyed the spunk and work ethics of the little girls. The suspense was paced perfectly too. The only thing I might suggest would be to show the neighbors teasing them or commenting on how poor they are because that line in the end feels like it came out of nowhere. I liked your take on the topic and your story left me feeling good inside.
Nice story with several lessons demonstrated. Well written and easy to read.
05/09/16
Engaging story. It seemed realistic except near the end when one of the girls says with the remnant etc. I don't think they would speak in that manner.
05/10/16
Excellent job with this!

Well done


Blessings~
05/10/16
It is so difficult to see how hard young children have to work in other countries.

I would move, "This weekly ritual was part of their lives" up one line, so it is part of the previous paragraph.

Your description of Mama seemed out of place after the dialogue.

I would either give examples of the neighbor's teasing them or leave it out entirely. I have a feeling that many people in their town would be as poor or poorer then them.

I liked the setting of the story,
05/12/16
Congratulations, Gloria, on finishing 2nd place in the Beginners Category. Your story was well done.
05/15/16
Congratulations on 2nd Place!