The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
04/14/16
i do think many people in the church have forgotten their first love.

Your first sentence didn't make sense to me. You said this word has so many meanings, but only gave one.

I think you had a good topic, but it sometimes lacked direction and went off topic.


04/15/16
I think you needed more details, such as when you talk about Gen. 7. I would need to look it up to understand what you were talking about. Your premise is certainly true. You had room to write more, I think, and that would have made it more meaningful.
04/15/16
Good job with brining home a message that rings true.

Blessings~
It seemed each paragraph was isolated from the others. There wasn't a clear transition from one to the next. After thinking about what you wanted to say, though, I could see a connection as in another example. I think what you were talking about or saying was that the church was just a social club that wasn't really preaching God's word that was needed for today's living.

Let the Holy Spirit help you organize your feelings and thoughts. What you did say is probably true in many churches.
I thought you made a good point of how the churches have grown luke warm. I believe you needed examples to show us. It is recommended by the judges not to give a dictionary definition for the word. Keep writing.
I like your message, and there is a lot of truth in there. Once it was suggested to me to try writing a story in second person. It's not easy to do, and is something you should do sparingly, but I sense you have a subtle sense of humor where it might work quite well. For example, you could do a tongue-in-cheek satire like this: If you want to turn your church into nothing but a social club, follow these simple instructions.
Even though it says in the Bible that God detests those who are lukewarm, in today's world, most people strive to be neither hot nor cold. If you want to pull lackadaisical people into your church, then definitely don't preach about the Gospel. After all, who wants to hear about Jesus' return? You have lots of time to party and live it up. You don't need to worry about God sending another flood, so why bother reading about Noah? You'll just bore people with those tired stories.

I'll admit doing something like that takes guts and talent, but it's a great way to make a point without being preachy. It's a reverse psychology technique. I sense that's kind of where you were headed, and I liked your different approach and message, but making it look like a messed-up self-help book could really work here and make the piece stand out even more.
I think you have a lot of potential. You need to work on the transitions a bit, but if you did something like I suggested that would help tie it all in together. By using sarcasm, you really get your message out there in a way people will remember. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
04/21/16
Congratulations, Cyril, on winning 3rd place in the Beginners category. You expressed some interesting thoughts, and I look forward to reading more.
04/21/16
Congrats~

Blessings~