The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Nice highlighting of our own personal tug-of-war over decisions. Red ink: there was a lot of incorrect punctuation with your dialogue.
It is always difficult to make a decision that will impact so many lives.

You had a few punctuation errors.
I truly enjoyed this delightful piece. My daughter was accepted into the Peace Corps to teach in Kosovo. I could totally relate to your MC. It was like listening to my daughter.

My only red ink is your beginning. First, the opening line seems like a thought so it should be italicized. I also was a bit confused at first because of the order and phrasing. I thought as a cockroach...was the beginning of a simile. (the mail lid dropped as (or like) a cockroach). Instead, I might edit it like this: Stepping toward the mailbox, Penny fanned her face furiously as she flapped her hands up and down. Could today be the day? A cockroach crawled out from underneath the mail, she shrieked and dropped the letter box lid. Clang!

By using body language and internal dialog, I tried to paint a mental picture and a bit of humor. Make sure you order things correctly. She wouldn't shriek until after the cockroach crawls out, so I switched the order a bit.

You did an excellent job of pulling me in. I truly enjoyed every word and you nailed the topic. This is one of my favorites thus far. You definitely have a gift. Your timing and sense of humor really brightened my day.

Congratulations, Kathy, on winning first place in the beginner's category. You have a real talent, and I can't wait to read more.

Cockroaches, Yuck!
Congratulations on your 1st Place finish. Well deserved.
Congrats on your 1st place entry! Keep on writing and honing your skills as you move up.
I enjoyed your cute, realistic dialogue between the two girls.
Congratulations on your level win~ Write on.