The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/26/16
Nice highlighting of our own personal tug-of-war over decisions. Red ink: there was a lot of incorrect punctuation with your dialogue.
03/02/16
It is always difficult to make a decision that will impact so many lives.

You had a few punctuation errors.
I truly enjoyed this delightful piece. My daughter was accepted into the Peace Corps to teach in Kosovo. I could totally relate to your MC. It was like listening to my daughter.

My only red ink is your beginning. First, the opening line seems like a thought so it should be italicized. I also was a bit confused at first because of the order and phrasing. I thought as a cockroach...was the beginning of a simile. (the mail lid dropped as (or like) a cockroach). Instead, I might edit it like this: Stepping toward the mailbox, Penny fanned her face furiously as she flapped her hands up and down. Could today be the day? A cockroach crawled out from underneath the mail, she shrieked and dropped the letter box lid. Clang!

By using body language and internal dialog, I tried to paint a mental picture and a bit of humor. Make sure you order things correctly. She wouldn't shriek until after the cockroach crawls out, so I switched the order a bit.

You did an excellent job of pulling me in. I truly enjoyed every word and you nailed the topic. This is one of my favorites thus far. You definitely have a gift. Your timing and sense of humor really brightened my day.

03/03/16
Congratulations, Kathy, on winning first place in the beginner's category. You have a real talent, and I can't wait to read more.

Cockroaches, Yuck!
03/03/16
Congratulations on your 1st Place finish. Well deserved.
Congrats on your 1st place entry! Keep on writing and honing your skills as you move up.
03/22/16
I enjoyed your cute, realistic dialogue between the two girls.
Congratulations on your level win~ Write on.