The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is an interesting take on the topic. I liked that you make the reader stop and think. Unless you use the traditional way of representing a verse, ex: Hebrews 3:6, I think you should write the numbers out, especially in a poem format, I felt slightly distracted, and there should be commas, not periods after the numbers. Overall, I think you did a wonderful job. Your words flow of the page. It reminded me of something my son mentioned to me once--the difference in taking or receiving communion. It's definitely something to think about, and I think you made your points clear without being too preachy.
The only suggestion I would make is to really go over the piece, carefully checking for proper punctuation, as in where to end a sentence and where to start a new one; when to use a question mark etc. Overall good message, and good job.
Beautiful message!

Wonderful message. I agree with the others about numbers and punctuation.