The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You have some great key points. Having a successful church does depend on many ingredients, and they need to be added in the right amount. I think that's a great message for all Christians who are trying to find their spots in the Church.

You have some good ideas, but you need to include some transitions to help the story flow. This is just an example to show you what I mean: Lucille grabbed her backpack and shuffled out the door. Her high school Religion teacher had just assigned an essay on what makes a successful church. She scratched her head. How am I supposed to know? I'm only sixteen. Suddenly, she stopped short. Grandpa will know. He's been active in the church forever. She hoisted her bag up on her shoulder and started to jog to her grandparent's home.

Of course, I know I added a lot of details that you didn't have, but by using body language and thoughts, you'll pull the reader into your story. Don't be afraid to use all 750 words allotted.

I did enjoy the little spots where you showed more of the charaters' personalities. I liked that Grandpa rambled on and that Lucille needed to put him back on track. It made them feel authentic. You definitely covered the topic. Keep writing and reading. You have some great points here. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
This is adorable! I liked the way the grandfather used the demonstration of baking to bring about his point.
A good comparison. The Bible does says something just about like this when we really study it.

Very nice piece. I liked it.
Thank you for a piece that shares many truths and lots of "food for thought" to the reader.

Your comparison brings the truth from the Bible to life.

Keep writing!