The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/05/15
I think you've captured what a deeply emotional time it was for Mary Magdalene. However, I believe showing rather than telling would be even more effective.

Example: Mary Magdalene pulled her scarf around her face ...
Very good thoughts given to a Bible story. It is filled with emotion we can feel.
11/06/15
You conveyed this scene with such poignant emotions. You brought us into that morning with the empty tomb, and you did it so well
This is a lovely take on the topic. You did a nice job of showcasing the topic word in a couple of ways. The first being actually chilly air, while you also point out the chills one feels rippling down the spine.

I realize this is a creative nonfiction retelling of a Bible story, but there are still ways you can make it pop a bit more. Just by tweaking your opening a bit, you can pull your reader right in. This is just an example to show what I mean: Leaning back in my chair, I close my eyes and imagine how the original Easter morning might have transpired. I picture Mary Magdalene scurrying to ready her Savior's body for burial. She likely held her breath when she heard her feet crunch the frost-covered grass. The noise echoing off the hills, making her heart flutter against her breastbone. Glancing around for guards, chills danced down her spine making her pull her cloak tighter to her body. As I picture this scene and vicariously retrace her steps in my mind, a sense of admiration and appreciation for Mary washes over me. I imagine thoughts that might've been running through her head. How could the disciples disband so quickly? Why didn't everyone see Jesus was beyond special? Once again, chills prickled her arm and her stomach twitched. Is it possible I was wrong?

I'll admit I took way more liberties than I normally like to. I tried to stay as true to your voice as possible, but once I started picturing ways to bring body language and thoughts to what I turned into a fictional account of a nonfiction event, I felt God pushing me on to show you what I was trying to demonstrate.

Basically, you have a brilliant start here. If not for your lovely words and pictures, I never would have been able to do what I did. I think by either making it creative nonfiction or fiction based on true events, you have a licence to go where II believe God was calling you to, but perhaps you hung back a bit, not wanting to rewrite the story too much. There are ways to do what I did and still have it be acceptable. I went a bit overboard to really make my points seem obvious. You've done an outstanding job all on your own, but I sensed you did want to do a bit more, but wasn't sure if you should. I kind of switched between the MC's imagination and a creative nonfiction, which normally you wouldn't do while writing, but wanted to give you an example or two.

I believe you have a natural gift and have no doubt if you keep writing and step out of the box more, you'll see your work flying up the levels and blossoming into the glorious works God has planned for you.
Caleb, This was a poignant re-telling of Mary Magdalene visiting Jesus tomb. Your Writing has grown by leaps and bounds over this past year.

Congratulations on your 2nd place win in beginners.
11/12/15
Congratulations on your 2nd place win in Beginners, Caleb.

I believe this is your best place so far, and I really enjoy reading your work.