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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: MIX (10/22/15)
The class teacher had given a bad report about Julien to the parents of Philip. Recently, Philip was often seen in the company of Julien. Following this, Philip’s father who had been keenly observing the movements of his son openly rebuked, “Son! I dislike your association with Julien. He does not have a good report from his teachers. I heard that he disobeyed his teachers and had gone to the forbidden pond along with five other classmates.”

Philip argued, “What you say may be true. What is wrong in me being in his company? You see Papa! I would like to win him over for Christ. Don’t you think that I am doing the right thing?”

For which Philip’s father remarked, “It would be better if you pray sincerely for his transformation. Let your life be an example for him to follow and not your association.” Then making his face slightly sterner added, “Hereafter, I don’t want you to be seen with him anywhere. Do you understand what I am trying to convey?”

Philip nodded his head nonchalantly. However, his mind reasoned and questioned, “Papa is old-fashioned. He knows nothing about winning souls for Christ. How can one draw Julien into the fold of Christ without being his friend? Are we not called to be ‘Fishers of men’? I guess papa does not know the basics of evangelism. I wonder whether he needs to be trained in some evangelistic sessions.”

Looking into the predicament of his son, he thundered, “What are you pondering over? Don’t make matters worse for me. I hope you would not like to see your father turn into a beast. Don’t mingle with such friends.”

Philip nodded his head again but this time nothing came into his mind except the picture of a roaring lion. This idea of keeping away from Julien, who from his point of view was a precious perishing soul, who from his father’s point of view is a boy with a bad character, kept nagging his mind like the waves of a sea, whenever he saw Julien.

Two days later, Philip along with the members of his family visited a jewelry shop. Philip’s birthday was just a week away and his father wanted to present him a gold ring. As they stood selecting from the various patterns on display the salesgirl told how many grams the selected trinket weighed and the approximate amount it would cost them.

Finally Philip made his choice. It was a square shaped ring studded with six sparkling stones all white in color, dazzling like diamonds.

The salesgirl explained the tips for treasuring this trinket. “Always keep it in a separate box. Don’t mix it with other metals.”

Immediately Philip shot a question arrow, “What will happen if I mix it with other metals?”

The salesgirl smiled and told, “Just as how anyone tends to absorb the thoughts, understand the opinions and assimilate the character of their friend so also if sparkling stone studded trinkets of gold are placed along with aluminium, lead, steel, tin or iron the sheen will definitely disappear gradually. Certainly the oxides will invade each other and the lustre is likely to be lost forever.

One might think that one’s good character will outweigh and win over the bad qualities of their friends. However, the contrary is far more likely to take place and often it is confirmed to be correct – their characteristics will corrupt the inherent good values. That is the reason why I told you to keep this ring in a separate box and not to mix it with others.”

When Philip and his family were heading home after purchasing the gold ring Philip had also mined another valuable treasure. It was the answer to a long standing question that was storming his soul thus far. While winning souls for Christ is very important it is equal and all the more important that you retain the valuable virtues which Christ expects in you. After this incident, Philip continued to pray for the transformation of Julien but was never seen in his company.

The Bible says, “Depart from me, ye evil doers, that I may keep the commandments of my God.” (Psalm 119:115). A healthy association of godly friends is definitely essential for one’s spiritual growth.

Mixing with unhealthy relationship will surely spoil the goodness within unaware in the long run. The Bible states, “Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Beware as to whom you mix with.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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This article has been read 354 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Donna Powers 
10/29/15
Thank you for sharing this story. This is a very interesting point; about "being in the world yet not of it." Keep writing!
Larry Whittington
10/30/15
Your story is meant to teach a lesson as shown in your Bible references. What I am concerned about was whether the teacher had gone against any principles about talking to parents about other kids in their child's class.

Other than that you used a good story to illustrate your point.
Pat Small
10/30/15
Great lesson here, but you had run on sentences. Also need to check your punctuation. Some commas would have made it easier to read. The conversation seemed stilted to me.
Loni Bowden-Horn
10/31/15
Clears shows the importance of mixing with mixing with the righteous crown but still praying for there souls. I believe that hanging out with the wrong crowd can corrupt your morals
Jan Ackerson
11/03/15
This reads more like an allegory than a typical short story, as your characters don't seem quite realistic. Their dialogue is very stilted, and even the situations seem more metaphorical than real. It's impossible to assign an age to the boys, for example; they could be anywhere from 8 to 18.

Develop an ear for realistic dialogue by listening to people speak who are the same ages as your characters. Real people, for example, use contractions, fragments, and incomplete sentences. They sometimes interrupt each other, and they don't use perfectly composed sentences.

I'm not clear on how Philip is supposed to win Julien to Christ without forming a relationship with him. If no Christians are ever supposed to associate with non-Christians, I suspect the number of new believers would go down drastically! I understand a parents' concern for his child, but I'm not sure that the allegory holds true in all circumstances.

This might be stronger as a devotional, with the object lesson of the gold as the centerpiece of the devo. I was intrigued by that illustration, and would like to see it developed.
Chris Goglin 
11/05/15
Thank you for your submission! Your story idea is great and could be worked from several different angles.

Try cutting down on your sentence length by eliminating unnecessary words and correcting punctuation.

For example: instead of "Philip nodded his head nonchalantly. However, his mind reasoned and questioned"...say: Philip nodded but questioned his Papa's reasoning...

Or...instead of "Philip shot a question arrow..." say, Immediately, Philip asked...

Great work! Keep it up!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/05/15
I really liked your idea behind this story. As a mother, I've seen my kids change their personalities depending on who they are spending time with.

I'd urge you to try to make the dialog flow a bit smoother and add body language. You also could put thoughts in italics to make it stand out. For example you could do something like this: Philip entered the kitchen and felt his knees buckle when he spotted his father clenching a letter from his school.
His dad shoved the paper in Philip's face. "You and that no good Julien have been causing trouble. I told you to stay away from him!"
Philip bit his lower lip. Dad doesn't get it. How am I supposed to help Julien if I don't hang out with him?

That's just an example to show you what I mean. In today's world where confidentiality is all around us, a teacher would be in trouble for breaking confidentiality but by changing it a bit, it makes it more realistic.

You have the workings of a great story here. I think one way Philip could witness to Julien is to protect himself with prayer and invite him to church or youth group. That way, he is able to witness, but doesn't go to places he shouldn't. It's a lot of story to put into only 750 words. I think you've made people stop and think. That's always a good thing to do. Even if people don't totally agree with you, it makes one examine her own beliefs. Keep writing, don't get discouraged. I'd also urge you to check out the Critique Circle and read and comment on other stories. You have a good foundation to build on and I'm eager to read what you write next.