The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a nice treatment of this theme. The story clearly shows your obvious passion about this subject. Nice work.
Be still and listen is good advice in our chaotic world.
The meaning of "fold" you are conveying is clear. You are also sharing another truth about the Holy Spirit that already dwells in us.

You definitely leave your reader to think about the truths you shared.
You have stated it very well. I don't like the singing of that song either.

I take the other sheep to be those that were not Jews. There are many nations of those that Jesus wants to be the shepherd of.

Good work.