The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 387 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I was interested in the information concerning India since I had never heard of St. Thomas or an accidental assassination.
08/14/15
I think you could have started off your story with your sight-seeing experience in India.

I learned so much information about St. Thomas, but I wondered what an accidental assignation was. Was he mistaken for another person?
08/17/15
This is very interesting writing, especially for a reader (like me) who has never been to India. I didn't find any significant issues with the mechanics of your writing.

If I were to give a suggestion, it would be that this needs to be infused with a bit more emotional content. Parts of it read like a travelogue, and it flits too quickly from one location to the next. Choose one or two places or incidents and expand on those, including more sensory details, dialogue, and heart.

Your phrase "accidental assassination" is intriguing, and definitely something that your readers might want to know more about.

Your writing is very good, and I'd expect you to move up pretty quickly.
08/19/15
I also enjoyed knowing about St. Thomas and India, and I agree that even though the writing is good you lack a real emotional impact.
Congratulations! Happy Dance!