The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
12/12/05
I had to cut the WORD content, and didn't re-read, so now the story doesn't make sense. Sorry!
12/12/05
A nice story. I just have a few helpful hints for you.

One, when two people are speaking to each other, you should start a new paragraph with each new speaker. This avoids confusion on the part of the reader as to who is speaking.

Also, when you are trimming your story to make the word count, start by rereading the story first and then seeing where you can use the least amount of words to express the same thought and lose none of the meaning.

A sentence like: "I got up early and showered and got dressed" could become,"I woke early and got dressed." The reader will assume that you showered.

I hope this helps:)
This was a cute story, but maybe more of a devotional thought with God giving you such a loving and caring family might have been an appropriate ending for a faith writer.
12/13/05
A very sweet childhood remembrance.

I'm sure that this was just something you missed: you stomped to your bedroom, but when called, you jumped out of the tub.

Your writer's "voice" is authentic and readable; with polish, I can see this in "Country Living" or some such publication.