The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a sweet story. I especially enjoyed how you used dialog to move the story along. I also enjoyed your descriptions; you're doing a great job of showing not telling.

Remember to start words like Mom with a capital when used as a proper noun. For example: My dad kissed Mom. Also write out numbers up to a hundred. (A few resources say up to ten, but that is generally for newspapers and such.)

You did a nice job of pacing. The story moved along nicely and kept me interested throughout. The ending might have been tied up a tiny bit too neatly, but it did make me smile and left me with a feel-good, impression. You definitely nailed the topic and delivered a great message without it feeling preachy. I think this would make a great Sunday school lesson or an article for kids.
This was an enduring story. I really thought the dialogue between the kids and the grumpy man seemed to bring the story to life. The mom trying to mediate between the child and the older couple seemed realistic.
Authentic and powerful in dialogue and content.

God bless~
I liked how the child showed how he was in fact the 'grumpy pants.' The story moved along nicely and kept me interested, I wanted to see what would happen. Good job.
Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards. Happy Dance!