The Official Writing Challenge
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Your out-of-the-box take on the topic intrigued me. You did a nice job juxtaposing the two scenes. My only red ink was the transition from the first part to the second and to the conclusion was a bit sudden in my opinion. I can think of a few ways to resolve these POV twist. The most simple would be to have a line of stars separating the sections. A more complex way would be to perhaps have the two scenes play out in a video and have a teacher ask the class questions. These are just a couple of quick thoughts that I had. You did make your point loud and clear. I think you had a great beginning g, pulling the reader in. The ending makes the reader stop and think, which is all good.
This is a beautifully written piece filled with imagery and imagination. It had a different angle.
07/17/15
Great job and approach to this weeks topic! I loved it.

God bless~
Your piece has made me think about 'pausing'. well done.
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