The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 377 times
Member Comments
This was a moving story about how Jesus can move in the hearts of any man or woman. What many would consider ugly God turns into something beautiful. You worked a stirring testimony into a rather difficult topic this week.
I like it. In fact, unless you ask me not to, I'm going to read your story this coming Sunday to the Sunday school class I teach. This Sunday's lesson is about Jesus our healer. It would be a nice addition to your church bulletin. Great message.
Excellent and powerful story about how Jesus changes lives. Great job with this!

God bless~
I enjoyed this as my husband and I were missionaries and ugly and strange. I saw some grammatical issues you need to be proofing. But overall a great story.
This is a lovely story. I enjoyed seeing it through the eyes of your young MC. I think you touched on the topic in a fresh way. Not only were the men funny looking, which covers the physical part, but I saw snippets that could be seen as the rude part which is what the topic was meant to be about. If you're ever unsure, check the forums because Deb explains the topic and what the judges will look for.

I think if you had added some body language too, it would have created a great mental picture. For example:"Shhh. Dont say that. Seila pushed her four-year-old's arm down before anyone in the crowd saw her mouth hanging open, widened eyes, and her finger pointing at the strangers.

Just by adding these tiny details, you can show who is speaking while painting a picture for the reader.

I think your beginning was a great way to pull the reader in. I was captivated by the conflict and eager to keep reading. I also enjoyed the ending. While I think the Bible verses were a great fit, in a fictional story you usually wouldn't add the reference and possibly even the verse unless it's part of the dialog. Instead use an asterisk and footnote. (Plus unless it's super long, a footnote or author's note doesn't count towards the 750 word limit.)

You also did a good job of showcasing your message. I believe different people will take away different messages which is a sign of good writing and of the Holy Spirit working through your words. That is a wonderful thing for both reader and author. I look forward to reading more of your work.