The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/09/15
Hahaha! I smiled and laughed so hard at the interaction with the MC and doctor.

Great writing, great job with the topic. Lively and engaging read.

(I'm hoping this isn't based on a true event!)

God bless~
First, I love your sense of humor. You had me smiling and even giggling as I read. I have a similar sense of humor and truly enjoyed reading this.

My main red ink is I fear you really missed the topic. I know in the beginning, you tried to make it fit, but the topic was clear that the road trip meant a real vacation. I understand that some people only get time off when they are sick, but it did miss the idea. On the forums, Deb always puts a longer definition of what they are looking for in the topic. It's also a great place to ask questions so you can see if your idea is on topic or not.

You did a great job of pulling me into the story. I could almost feel the cold metal stirrups. I truly enjoyed reading this. You hooked me from the second paragraph on. You did a great job and I look forward to reading more of your work. I also thought the ending was perfect. Many struggle with the end, but you totally nailed it. This is a great way to start my day.
Fabulous ending!
07/15/15
I could really relate to the exam part, although not with such a large audience. The banter between the MC and doctor was humorous and engaging.

Red ink: I needed more white space between the paragraphs.