The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 695 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
07/09/15
Excellent descriptive piece with a powerful message attached! Your words brought the picture to the mind so vividly with seemingly great detail.

Loved it.

God bless~
I love your say yes attitude. It's something I need to do way more often. I'd guess I'm not alone either. You showed that while it's not always easy to say yes, it can be way more wonderful than imagined.

I noticed you had some POV shifts when you said what the husband was thinking. You can't know his thoughts unless he shares them. These little spots would be great ways to do more showing and less telling. Your opening part was a bit confusing to me. Because you spoke of yourself in the third person, I wasn't sure who the significant other was at first. One way to fix both of these issues would be to do something like this: More often than not, husbands and wives often feel differently. I clenched my fist and bit my lip when my husband announced, "I've been brewing about doing this for a long time."
Though not perfect, I hope this shows you what I mean. By using dialog, you can discover he'd been thinking about it. By using body language, you can show the initial reaction. I chose frustration or even anxiety for the example, but understand your emotions might be different.

I think you nailed the topic while delivering a powerful message. It takes a lot of Faith and trust to do something like that. It makes me wonder how often I miss out on an adventure because of my lack of Faith and fear of change.
07/16/15
Congratulations!

God bless~
Thanks for stepping out of your comfort zone to experience new adventures with your family. This story nailed the topic of road trip.Congratulations on your first place win in beginners and making the EC list.
The passage where you describe all the things you said yes to had me completely absorbed. I was living each of those adventures with you, and feeling your reluctance. Well done.