The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 243 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I loved this story. Your characters were great and I could easily picture them. The dialog in the beginning also felt real and made me enjoy the story even more. Near the end, the dialog trailed off a bit. I'd urge you to keep it up and show Rick's words as well. I also noticed in the middle, you stepped outside of the story and spoke directly to the reader. Instead of saying you need to explain it, make it part of the story. For example: Bill could be on the crude side, but ever since we were in the Christmas play together, I called him Joe because he played Joseph and since I was the angel, he called me Ange. and we'd hug
Sorry, my fat finger hit the wrong button. The example should've ended with he called me Anne. Then you could add the hug when you approached him like this: I greeted Bill with guests and gave him a huge hug. "Hey, Joe."

Other than those little things, I think you did an outstanding job. You nailed the topic and really showed what it means to be a Christian solider. This is a great example where the topic is clear even though you didn't overuse the topic words. I also really enjoyed the open ending. It felt real and reminded me that God asks us to plant the seeds but he needs to do the harvesting. You also did a great job of writing on a difficult topic.
Man my fingers are getting me in trouble. Actually I think it's the auto correct on my tablet, but Anne should have been Ange and guests, gusto.
05/25/15
This is great. There needs to be more churches that go outside of the four walls.

The story flowed, and the characters seemed to jump off the page.

"To dome degree"should have been to some degree.

You did a great job, God bless you as you continue to follow God. Keep writing.
Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.