The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/30/15
I really enjoyed this. Well done.

God bless~
I enjoyed reading this story. It could easily be expanded for a book! Good job.
I enjoyed reading this story. It flowed really well. I may have double spaced between paragraphs.
05/01/15
Nice job. Looks like you have a good imagination and an ear for story. What a nice gift to get from our good Father!
05/02/15
Allegory can be a very powerful tool for getting one's message across, and allegories are very fun to write. I have a few suggestions about this one:

1. When you make up names, be sure that they are pronounceable, even if they're not English. I didn't know how to pronounce "Denih," and that was slightly frustrating.

2. The events and characters of an allegory should be exactly (or nearly exactly) parallel to the events you're alluding to. Here, you have God, God's son, His ministry, His resurrection, the coming of the Holy Spirit. Allegories are more effective if the events are substantially different from the actual events, so that the reader has an aha! moment. The reader is more likely to retain the lesson if she makes the connection herself. (If you go to my profile and read the story called "Flames" from several years ago, you can see an example of this kind of allegory).

Your writing style, POV, and tense work well for an allegory. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
05/06/15
Very creative! You are a deep thinker with a heart for God! It would be helpful if you broke your article up into paragraphs, easier for the reader to focus...

Wing His Words