The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/23/15
Your title intrigued me, so I just had to read your story. Your life has been filled with God's hand on your and your family's life.

A couple of your sentences were confusing to me:

We went from a small but stable paycheck (from a local grocery store), to selling our home and moving (in) to a fixer upper.

We went from a small but stable paycheck, to selling our home and moving to a fixer upper.

I will cherish the time God healed my daughter of a intestinal virus when we had no money to even put in our vehicle.

I will cherish the time God healed my daughter of an intestinal virus. Without even gas money, my parents decided to pay the doctor's bill.

It is truly amazing how God directs all of our steps!
This is a powerful testimony. I like how you showed how the hard times impacted your life, but how God still blesses us, we may just need to look a bit closer some days.

Be careful not to fall into the purple prose trap. Some of your descriptions are too flowery or come off as a clich. Sometimes simpler is better. I don't normally read comments from others before I comment myself, but I did glance over the first one. While I agree that those sentences may need to be tightened some, the examples weren't spot on. In the first one, you wouldn't need a comma before the word to. I would tighten that line up to something like this: We went from receiving a small but stable grocery store paycheck to buying a house with the intentions of fixing it up and reselling it for a profit. The way the second example was written, it sounds like the parents didn't have money for gas. I only point these out to show that the more you can tweak your work, the better it'll be in the end. It also shows how different people can have different opinions, and it's important for you (and God) to discover which way works best for you.

I think you did a nice job of writing on topic. You touched my heart with your story of Faith and perservance. God is truly amazing and you did a nice job of showcasing that.
04/23/15
Powerfully insightful, inspiring, uplifting and memorable! I loved this entire piece, it touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I loved it...completely as is!

I respond to messages/stories that come from the heart, and this one is all heart!

Thank you for your story.

God bless~
This was a heartwarming story and brought wonderful memories of my childhood. I always wanted to watch the "Grinch" on television. Your heart does grow when you think about all the blessings God has given us.
04/30/15
Thank you Shann for tightening up my examples. While I knew the sentences were unclear, I wasn't sure on how to make them better.

My apologies to the author.

I think it would be helpful if Faithwriters would teach a class on critiquing and editing.
04/30/15
Congrats

God bless~
Congratulations on your first place ribbon. May your heart grow today because of the many blessing in your life.
05/01/15
Congratulations Amy!
I couldn't be happier. Your story really spoke from the heart.
Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 16 overall! The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
Changes and unrealized goals can rob faith or feed it. Have been there... Congrats!