The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 257 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/17/15
A very different and creative way of bringing the topic forward. I enjoyed this, thank you.

God bless~
04/22/15
The use of repetition here ("stand up for truth") is very effective. It puts this somewhere in the area between prose and poetry by using a literary device not often seen in prose--well done.

The subject of your first paragraph was well-chosen for its shock value, and thus it would have a tendency to draw the reader in. However, this paragraph is wordy, even clumsy in parts, and thus its effectiveness is lessened. I'd recommend that this paragraph be re-worked if you're going to submit this anywhere for publication. You might want to shorten it a bit so that it's more nearly parallel to your other paragraphs. If you don't want to shorten it, then at least make it less clunky.

You should also double-check spelling of proper names: MacFarlane, Hawking. There are a few additional awkward or incomplete sentences.

The ideas you have here are very good; the intent is to appeal to a believer's sense of outrage and to inspire Christians to take a stand. You've achieved that--with a bit of polish, your message will shine more clearly.
I really enjoyed your take on the topic. By repeating the phrase, stand up for truth, you nailed the topic in a fresh and interesting way. I really like the way you processed the topic and made it your own.

I also think some of the sentences could be tightened and smoothed out. For example, your opening line isn't a complete sentence. You have the when Jesus is slandered, but not the what happens when he is. You could fix it with something like this: When I hear Jesus is slandered, hated, or mocked, I want to shout to the world. "It's time to stand up for the truth!" Andres Serrano received more than $15,000 from the taxpayer-funded, National Endowment for the Arts, for his photo of a plastic crucifix submerged in a glass of his urine.

I hope that shows you what I mean about tightening and smoothing. It may not be the exact way you'd want to write it, but I think seeing an example can sometimes help me understand in a different way.

Your opening captured my attention and made me want to read on. I also think you did a great job of using repetition, which is not always easy to do. Your ending is great and really captures your message. You did a nice job.