The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 279 times
Member Comments
Wow! This is intense. I held onto every word. You did a stunning job of pulling me in. Your timing is exquisite and spot on. I almost felt punched in the stomach when you revealed why the MC was raging. All kinds of emotions bubbled inside of me.

I noticed one tiny thing and that was the repetition of the word spilled. It may have been on purpose, but in my opinion, given the intensity of your piece, I think having good it not repeat and tightening it up may have been more effective and left you more words if needed. Perhaps this might have worked: She spilled the tea grounds, sugar and the boiling water scalded her hand. In my opinion, the use of the word scalded sets up her raw emotions.

I had to really look to offer you constructive feedback. What I did offer was really quite tiny and only my opinion. You did an awesome job using what Jan calls salsa words. Every word you selected painted a picture and moved the story forward while evoking myriad emotions in me. You nailed the topic. Even if I didn't know what the topic was, it would have been clear because rage was the clear theme throughout your story. This is an outstanding story and you did a great job. Your ending was perfect too.

On the message boards, there is a thread called Jan's Writing Basics. I urge all levels of writers to read and participate in it. Jan is wonderful about leaving feedback for anyone who posts in the thread. It's one of the best learning tools the internet has to offer. If you haven't checked it out yet, here's the link: