The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of the four brothers. You did a nice job of showing the different ways to handle injustice. I think it's quite creative.

The red ink I have is minor. Make sure you reference where each story comes from, not only to credit it, but because I'm sure you'll pique many people's curiosity and they will want to read the Bible stories themselves, but might give up if they can't find them easily. The other is in the end you used then, but I think you meant than (an easy mistake to make).

I think you nailed the topic and I believe your way of presenting your story was fresh and creative. You held my attention from beginning get to end. I truly enjoyed this free verse. A little while ago, Jan did a lesson on her thread on Free verse. This week she is covering POV (point of view) and voice.
On the message boards, there is a thread called Jan's Writing Basics. I urge all levels of writers to read and participate in it. Jan is wonderful about leaving feedback for anyone who posts in the thread. It's one of the best learning tools the internet has to offer. If you haven't checked it out yet, here's the link: