The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/09/15
Good work! Glad to see u on faithwriters! I'm not much of a poet so take both my praise and critism with a grain of salt.

First, you nailed the topic! Great job. I love the way u arranged your stanzas. Unique for sure.

It could just be me bit I'd like to see the rhyming a bit tighter. You had a good pattern going and I was hoping to see it stay strong throughout.

Great job! Way to round it off with a lesson!
02/09/15
This is good.

I agree that some of the rhyming feels a bit off in places.

I love the lesson at the end.
02/10/15
A clever limerick
That does the trick
Of nailing the topic
- Since you've tossed your brick!
Well done
My son...
I thought it was fairly easy to read. The flow was nice. I enjoyed the rhyming words even when they might not have been on similar lines.

The last line should read: He has promised to help you til the end.

Nicely done.
I loved your creative approach to the topic. I loved the message in your poem and the humour was brilliant.

In the main, you got the meter right (number of syllables and where the stresses fall). There was the odd line where there was an extra syllable, which jarred the rhythm a little. If you read the poem out loud, you'll spot where the stresses don't quite work or there are too many or too few syllables.

That said, limericks were a great way to do this topic and thank you for sharing such a fun and well thought-out piece.