The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/15/15
The last part of the entry summed up the topic very well.

Great job in your approach and delivery.

God bless~
01/17/15
Very creative imagery to bring the scripture to light. Coincidentally, a grandchild of mine recently received edited pix of herself that looked terribly distorted so the story resonated! Thanks for entering the challenge - I hope you do well, and take full advantage of the writing tools and opportunities available to you on Faithwriters.com
I think this is a striking piece. Your message is like a punch in the gut--in the very best of ways. It made me really stop and think about what I may have considered innocent thoughts. In my opinion, when an author can do that, she's hit a home run. Your story, with its courageous imagery, made me examine my thoughts more closely and look at myself in a new way.

The one thing I might encourage you to do is add what we call more showing and less telling. It's a lifelong process for sure and different people have different opinions of the level of showing that is needed. Little things like rearranging some sentence structures can make the read have hills and valleys too. Personally, I like using body language and dialog, and to show you what I mean, I'll give you an example of one way I might show, not tell this story:
Balling my fingers into a fist and I slammed it into my open hand and snorted, blowing bits of snot over the horrid-looking, distorted photos. The left side of my head was bald; I was missing my right eye, left ear, both hands, and my left foot. What a horrible joke! I can't wait to give her a piece of my mind. I punched the digits into my cell; I could feel the anger burning my cheeks. Barely waiting to hear her greeting, I started my tirade. "How dare you photoshop my pictures? You may think it's funny, but I'm beyond offended."
Even though I screamed at her, she answered in a calm voice. "I'm sorry you're not happy with my work. I assure you that I wasn't pranking you, but sometimes the camera has a mind of its own. Often it seems like it captures a persin' s soul, much like I believe God sees through us."

I know I took some additional liberties, but I wanted to show you how body language can enhance the personality and emotional state of the MC. By putting thoughts in italics, it shows the reader what's going on inside the MC's head while dialog can move the story along without needing to repeat things.

Again though, I want to stress that I truly believe this is a brilliant piece. You started off with a great beginning. I was eager to read more. Your message comes through loud and clear without being overly preachy. The ending ties up everything neatly. You definitely nailed the topic and did so in a fresh, out-of-the-box way. Kudos on a great piece.
01/27/15
Creative and thought-provoking in a light-hearted way. A well-deserved HC.