The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
11/20/14
Great multi-layered piece. Your descriptions were excellent, especially about that "big guy" walking slowly, hysterical and spot on!

The meaningful close with the prolific message drew it together in beautiful and almost poetic fashion.

Well done!

GOd bless~
You have here a well written adventure story that opens the eyes of those who are blind to the blind.

It is like going to Mexico and really seeing how the poor orphans live. They can't even see that their soccer ball is flat.

We can all see the light at the end of the tunnel.
11/21/14
Wow! What a lovely story. I never saw that ending coming.

The humorous descriptions were great. "Mustard war paint" had me just about on the floor laughing.
11/24/14
A very enlightening finish. A truly fascinating article that had me anxious to read what would happen next. I was blind and now I see - right at the end.
I think this is a brilliant testimony. You did a powerful job of showing the reader your message. It really made me stop and think about how we do take things for granted. In my opinion, you missed the genre. Though you have some brilliant lines, (dodging people with hot dogs sticking out of his mouth) it doesn't quite have the fast paced, not able to stop reading feel. I think the message is beyond words and would make a great testimony or sermon. You really have a talent for thinking outside the box.
It certainly can be an adventure to navigate, having to account for someone extending a couple of feet from your elbow, to approach curbs straight on, and to hit the brakes or dodge when those who have functional eyes do not use them. I suspected where you were headed, but then I would. :)