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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write for the ACTION and/or ADVENTURE Genre (11/13/14)
A pearl of great price


Cary Church is enchantingly voguish as he lounges cross-legged on a lavender chair. He is taciturn, for life’s load bears heavily upon his shoulders. Meant for the liquidation of Satan’s citadels, a great, steely Beretta lies unused in his right hand. The spotless grey suit and white shirt he wears are merchandise he was laden with by the woman in his dreams, taken from her store of abundance.

The left hand habitually holds a glass of gin. Depleted to its last drops, this goblet is a doppelganger for a cup of the devil’s wrath which he drained to the dregs. Now he finds himself in a state of emotional and alcoholic inebriation.
“My companion Israel stopped listening to reason a long time ago. He looks for answers to his scores of problems in all the wrong places. If only that man would listen…Then maybe he’d have a change of heart and be rescued from legalism.” He murmurs to no one in particular.

Cherry light from a horde of candles pervades the motel room until it pours outside. This luminosity is the lifeblood of choice red vines upon a fertile slope, spilling from a wound Cary notices in his side.
He believes all is lost, with the healing clouds withholding their rain. Nevertheless the good shepherd says:
“I will never leave you nor forsake you Cary. I’ll get you through the Tribulation’s pain.”







*The beretta is a metaphor for the word of God.
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This article has been read 482 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
11/20/14
A very deep and profound entry. Interesting and powerfully done.

God bless~
Larry Whittington
11/21/14
This might be the opening page of a book but I would like to see where it is going.

Did you mean cherie where you have cherry?
Rachel Barrett
11/21/14
What a fascinating piece! Powerful in its brevity.

The imagery was unusual and very captivating!
Phyllis Inniss 
11/24/14
The symbolism in this article is deep. I would have liked a little more clarity about Israel.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/24/14
This is a brilliant idea. I loved the idea of the beratta, and think it is an excellent metaphor. I wish you'd expanded on it a bit more. I'd have enjoyed reading more. Another thing that might help would be to do more showing than telling. For example:Instead of saying he is taciturn, show it with something like this. He sat, eyes blankly staring ahead, refusing to move except when he flexed his muscle to bring his drink to his lips. It's not perfect, but gets the idea across while still creating a picture for your reader. I think your message was great. You did a nice job of writing in the genre too.
Trace Pezzali
11/26/14
I really enjoyed some of the images you used, your word choices, and your unique voice and style. I'd like more of your concepts expanded because after reading lines several times, I really didn't get what you meant for me to get. I couldn't make the mind-leap necessary to understand the symbolic technique you've used. I'm left feeling confused, and disappointed about that because it's a really interesting piece.
Trace Pezzali
11/26/14
Hmmm... I've read it again (teehee, see - it's a fascinating piece). I think it's a look at the christian church today that has lost it's focus on the powerful sacrificial Christ and the church's commission, responsibility and holiness. Instead it has been tempted by materialism, the flesh and judgment of others... am I right?