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Topic: Write something AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL (10/02/14)
- TITLE: Nature? Nurture? Both? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Peggy Flint
10/09/14 -
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In my case, I believe it is a combination of both - nature and nurture. I have come to be at peace with that.
I am adopted. When I was in my 20's, I found my birthmom and many of the questions I had about myself were answered. Getting to know her helped me not only understand myself but I also learned why my adopted mom and I so often butted heads.
I was adopted when I was a year old. The adoption was never kept secret from me and it was just a natural part of my life - much as the fact that I had blonde hair and blue eyes. It was a part of who it was but it was never something that defined me.
I was the only child and my adopted mom loved me dearly but in many ways she did not understand me and it frustrated the both of us.
For example, I hate wearing shoes or slippers and I will only put them on when I have to leave the house and go somewhere. My adopted mom put on slippers the moment her feet hit the floor and put on shoes as soon as she got dressed. This usually wasn't long after he feet hit the floor.
I love practical jokes. Ok, so maybe spraying someone with a squirt bottle isn't exactly a practical joke. But I love doing things like that and catching someone unaware. My birthmother is the same way. My adopted mom? No...not at all.
In many ways like this, I frustrated my adopted mom and she tried to change me into a "respectable" daughter.
This isn't to say mom wasn't a good mother. I learned many things from her and carry them into my life on a regular basis. She taught me to memorize and love scripture. She instilled in me the love of reading and made it possible for me to visit both the library and used book stores on a regular basis. Fortunately, she often loved to read and we would share and discuss books as I got older.
I often thought of finding my birthmother but it didn't feel right. I didn't want my adopted mom to feel like she had not done a good job or like she was being displaced.
But deep inside me, there was always this restlessness to find out more about myself. Who was I? Why was I frequently drawn to certain things? Why couldn't I be more like my adopted mom?
The answers to why I was the way I was started coming within days of meeting her. For instance, at our first meal together at a restaurant, without paying any attention to what we each were ordering, we ordered the same meal and drink. While talking, I discovered that we had the same favorites in candy bars, lifesavers, sodas and more.
The first time I walked into my birthmother's house, she walked over to some antlers she had over the doorway to the den and hung her shoes up on them, saying, "I HATE wearing shoes." I stood there in shock. Finally - a kindred spirit.
One of the most fascinating things that came out of that visit, was the realization that my birthmom collected the same line of figurines from Home Interiors that I did along with another line of figurines that I wanted to collect but could not afford. I was stunned. My adopted mom hated "clutter" like figurines and always tsked at me for my collection because they were dust collectors.
Over the years I have found many similarities between myself and both of my mothers. In each case, I can look at my life and see how both the nature of the DNA in my genes and the nurturing I received from my mother affected my life. They have helped to shape me into who I am today.
I believe that we're all influenced by both nature and nurture and we have to choose to accept it, deal with it and move on. But no matter whether something is nature or nurture - God can and will use it in our lives- whether we want Him to or not.
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