The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/25/14
Loved it! Could be the makings of a "romantic novelette" -- Nicely done, and certainly on topic.

Great conclusion.

God Bless~
A cute little writing.

Well written and easily read.

I didn't go back and check any grammar or ???.

Enjoyable.
This is a lovely piece. You do a nice job of creating the suspense in the first line. I was instantly eager to discover why she dropped her pen.

I noticed some minor errors with punctuation and words like rereads should be one word. On the message board there is a thread called Jan's Writing Basics that tackles all kinds of things to help all levels of writers improve.

I think you did a nice job of developing the characters and making them feel quite real.
I found myself slightly confused when you switched from the past to present tense and had to reread it. Something little like the following might make that transition smoother: The chiming of the doorbell jolted Heidi from her recollection.

One of the harder things to do in these challenges is come up with a satisfying ending, but you did a nice job of it, leaving me with a smile on my face. You also did a nice job of incorporating the topic into your story.

I'm terrible about reading titles and didn't notice yours until I finished reading. Make sure your title doesn't give the ending away.

Overall you did a fine job of balancing showing and telling. I'm eager to read more of your works and hope you'll keep writing.