The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/17/14
A wake up call of darkness. Good job expressing complacency in the Christian walk. Nice treatment of the topic. Careful editing will find those repeated words. Try to leave a space between paragraphs for easier reading. Good job:)
A descriptive picture of the dangers of complacency. Just needs a few touch ups here and there.
It is not really fiction in many churches in the land.

It will take more than one person in a church to "wake up the the light" for the true gospel to be lived.

Good descriptive story.

Keep you heart in heaven and your eyes in his word.
07/21/14
Wow this was powerful and really well thought out with an important message!

God bless~
This is a great story. You grabbed my attention right away and held it to the very end. I imagine many communities can relate. I enjoyed watching your MC develop. I felt like I really knew him by the end of the story,

The only comment I have is sometimes less is more. I noticed you used too many synonyms. For example you used gloating, sneering, and boasting in the same line when just one would have sufficed. It's the same with the pastor's name. It wasn't vital to the story to know his full name. Pastor Mike makes him more familiar and relatable.

I don't mean to nitpick, but in my opinion, trimming it a bit could make the difference between a great story and an outstanding one.

You have an obvious gift. The more you write and read, the better you'll become and you are marvelous right now. This story packs a punch. You nailed the topic and the story was original and clever.
07/24/14
Congrats!

God bless~