The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/17/14
A good portrayal of how life marches on, day and night, and ends with the blessed promise. The free form of this poem could use a little tweaking, but a nice treatment of the topic.
This poem reminds me of the bible verse: 2 Chronicles 16:9 (KJV) ~ For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.
He is just waiting for us to turn from our busy day and look at HIM. Nice job.
I agree with Jody that it could use just a little tweaking.
It seems this story poem kept my mind jumping from here to there.

I find I like reading poems that have a rhythm in the words. It does not necessarily have to have rhyming words but that is also nice. (but finding rhyming words take a lot more hard work.)

Keep putting your thoughts and ideas into words for us.
07/19/14
Hi Friends!


I realize two mess-ups here.


1 The stanza beginning "The lights at the Seniors'…", and "Beyond a doubt…" should be separated from the lines above.

2 ..While we sing, slog and slumber in the fantasyland should be we sleep, snore, and slumber in the fantasyland in its original version.

These slips were too late for me to change.


Blessings
07/21/14
The Alpha and the Omega
The first and the last-Jesus
never ceases to intercede
and to listen to our cries day and night

Very powerful closing! Love it.
07/21/14
Beautiful and insightful...with an excellent ending.

Keep shining His light and writing for His glory.

I enjoyed this very much!

God bless~
What a beautiful tribute to those who care about us - especially Jesus . . .

Love this. Thank you.
07/22/14
You make some very clever descriptions here and they carry an excellent message.

I recommend you use the preview button and do a careful edit of your entry BEFORE you hit submit. This will give you the chance to make sure each verse is the way you want it and that lines do not begin with punctuation marks.

I too, found the last verse to be powerful.

Blessings.
07/23/14
I liked how your wrapped up your creative and interesting poem with the ultimate Helper/Advocate.

My only red ink is to proof read proof read and proof read before submitting. There were several punctuation mishaps carried over to another line.

Though please don't condemn your yourself because I have found mistakes in many that have had numerous edits by professional editors.
This is a lovely piece. I especially enjoyed your fresh take on the topic. In today's world it is necessary for those night owls. I used to be a Maternity nurse and enjoyed the rhythm of the night. Babies tended to come into the world more at night. Life seems more hectic during the days and I believe God created different people who thrive at different times. His plan is so perfect and awesome.
I am not a huge fan of poetry, and tend to get bogged down when reading it. You did a good job with keeping my attention. I read it 3 times, and enjoyed it much better when it came together in my mind.

I would love to read some of your articles, in that I am sure you would do a fine job with this.

Keep up the good work!
07/24/14
Thank you for sharing this. I'm not too swift with poetry but I enjoyed this piece. Keep up the good work.