The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/29/14
A fine story that kept me interested all the way through.

Well done.

God bless~
This is an interesting story. I like it when a couple has each other for their best friend. You definitely covered the topic with this one. I also liked how you showed they could bicker a bit, but not give up on each other. For me the beginning was kind of slow. You had a great hook with her foot stuck and the train coming. I could see it starting off there and explain the back story with some bickering like "Oh why did I let you talk me into coming here?" (That's just an example to show you what I mean.) Some of the dialog was a bit stiff and unnatural. You can fix that by using contractions and tightening up some lines like this: "Where am I gonna park?"
Overall, though you did a great job. I was interested from beginning to end. It's nice to see the showing instead of all telling. The pacing of the story was good, especially in the middle. Nicely done.
Nice article. I like the title, and found the article to be a good read. Keep up the good fight!
06/04/14
Great story. Some excitement there with Carol's foot stuck in the rails and a fast approaching train. I agree the start was a bit slow and the conversation should have had a quicker pace, but I still enjoyed the narrative.