The Official Writing Challenge
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05/22/14
This was a pleasant tale that made me smile, young and old will share equal delight in this read.

Nice descriptions intermingled with truths from the Bible. Well done.


Keep writing for His glory!

God bless~
05/23/14
This is a wonderful fictional account of what Jesus' life might have been like as a teen. A great story for children to read and delight in. You weave a fine story. You are moving right along. I am happy you have come to Faithwriters to share such detailed articles!

Very well done!
I really like the idea of filling in some of the details of Jesus during those times when he was growing up. I always have pictured him as a mischievous little dude, but still full of love for his people. I think this was a super creative take on the topic.

While there is nothing wrong with writing Biblical fiction as long as you note it (which you did), you may want to try and stay true to the events. It was my understanding that Jesus was 30 or so when he started his miracles.

I loved how you inserted his best friend into the story. I have a feeling Jesus did draw people to him, even as a young teen.

You may want to work on tightening up some of your sentences and varying the sentence structure so the lines become hills and valleys. Take your opener for example, you could tweak it and tighten it up by doing something like this: At age thirteen, Jesus was declared a man by the Jewish laws; however, in many ways he still enjoyed behaving like a child. He had a delightful sense of humor, and, at times, he enjoyed chilling with his best buddy, Simeon.

You also may want to use some dialog to help move the story along. For example: One sunny day, Jesus and Simeon raced across the yard, screeching to a halt right in front of Mary. "Mom, Simeon and I want to go down to the docks and watch the fisherman. Can we please?" Jesus tipped his head, raised his righteyebrow and pulled the left side of his lip into a partial smile. He knew his mother had a hard time resisting that look.

Looking down at her beloved son, Mary raised both eyebrows as she wiggled her finger in Jesus' face. "Have you finished all of your chores young man?"
I added some details to help paint more of a picture for the reader, as well as using modern dialog so today's kids could relate more to young Jesus.

I think this is an out-of-the-box story and enjoyed your creative take on the topic. I think you did a great job of developing your characters and gave the reader a sense of who young Jesus was in your mind. I find thoughts about those years quite intriguing. Keep writing, you have a lot of great stories in you.
Way to go! I loved this story and the way you told it.

Luke is one of my favorite books in the Bible because he tells a little more about young Jesus than most. In this story, the verses in Luke came to life.

Keep up the wonderful work!

God Bless!
05/29/14
Robert, as usual I'm behind. I was thinking I had another day yet before Thursday. Already?

Your content is a really great idea. It's fun to speculate on Jesus' childhood. There are many folk stories about it, but some of them are really out there.

If you don't mind I'd like to critique this one thru direct email. Give me a couple days.

Keep up the good work. Praying for your knee.

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