The Official Writing Challenge
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04/24/14
A well written and entertaining entry with a powerful message.

Nicely done.

God bless~
04/24/14
Fun take on this week's topic. I had to chuckle about the mother not realizing what she signed and how she missed the fine print. Here in America, anyway, we are indeed a spoiled bunch of folks.
04/25/14
I enjoyed reading this. Your transitions from paragraph to paragraph were excellent! I wanted to read more! Great fiction piece!
04/26/14
Great dialogue and a wonderful story that illustrates the topic perfectly.

My only red ink would be making sure that you have commas to separate someone to whom you are speaking and appropriate use of quotation marks in the dialogue.

Otherwise, I thought it was a really nice piece. Keep up the great work!
Very nicely written story illustrating one of today's problems.

Many of the poor demonstrate contentment while many of the rich don't.

Good reminder for us, though, that we don't have to live in a mansion to demonstrate greed or unthankfulness.

Again, I like the simpleness of the story.
04/29/14
I loved the contrast you demonstrated between Juanita and the Howe family. You did a great job showing these differences through the characters and their actions. This was an amusing piece, so fun to read, leaving me smiling at the end.

My only red ink is with this section "...what I have will do. Mama says to be content with what you have because God will never leave you or forsake you." Although this is true and it's a very good point, in my opinion, you have a great opportunity here to "show" this sentiment, rather than just telling it. For example, you could have had Juanita clutch her Bible to her chest and say with a smile, "No thank you, I have all I need."

Overall, this is a very well-written piece. It was entertaining and a great application of this week's theme. And I loved the final paragraph, which was the perfect end cap to this story.
I liked your story a lot. A little polish here and there, along with a few more chapters and you could have a nice children's book.

Just a little red ink... when you finish a paragraph read it aloud to yourself to see if it flows the way you intended. I also saw a few grammar errors that can be easily corrected with practice. Blessings!
04/29/14
Nice story, It kept me intrigued, wondering where it was going, good last line for ending. Nice work.
05/01/14
Congrats!

God bless~
05/02/14
Congratulations on placing second in level one. Wonderful story!