The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a great story idea and I like how they came to know Jesus as their Savior. The one thing I would suggest would be to be more visual with your words and show us what is happening instead of telling us. To be honest, that's easier said then done but here's an example of what I mean: "Susan, up since four, stopped pacing long enough to shake the pile of past due bills in her hand. Her eyes grew wide when she realized she had actually worn a path in the carpet." I didn't tell you she was worried, I showed you. Keep on writing. You've got what it takes.
I loved this powerful story. It held my interest from beginning to end.

I loved the message and excellent ending.

Great job.

God bless~
This is such an heart-warming story. I enjoyed it as it held my attention from start to finish.

I would just suggest mixing up your sentence structure a little (Sentence variation)in order to help with the flow. You can check out Jan's Writing Basic on the forum for information about this.

Overall, a beautiful story on faith and the topic. Keep writing.