The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/11/14
This was an excellent entry and a wonderful way to approach the topic at hand. I liked the interaction between the child and the old man, a contrast in age, but child's spirit was in tune with his.

Loved it! Well done.

God bless~
04/13/14
I could really feel the connection between the two MCs. The old man was ministering to a group of people who needed him.
You have a very well written story here that has several points of interest. (Nice work with that.)
Innocence of children, caution and fear of adults, God calls the lowly, the rejection of the gospel by many, how the lowly can be misunderstood.

You put them all together in a nice package.Good teaching lesson for us: be child-like in our faith and deeds.

Nice creative writing.
04/14/14
Well written with believable characters. I liked the voices of both Mary and John and how you subtly bring forth a portrait of a homeless man and a child connecting in a way almost no adult ever would connect with either. There's a child-like acceptance coming from each of them towards each other and God.

Very nice job.
04/14/14
This is a really wonderful story. I saw John and Mary clearly in my mind's eye.

I'd like to encourage you to find some resources on punctuation. You gave storytelling talent, and I think fine-tuning the basics will help you move up the levels.