The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 422 times
Member Comments
Wow - this was some story. I got immersed in it! Great job.

God bless~
Great story. Thank you.
You weave a fine story into your writing. You describe your characters very well and make them more than believable. I was very touched by the ending, with both men having each other to rely on, as well as our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Very well done!
This is the type of story that must be told lest we forget. For many the Vietnam War is just a chapter in a history book, but you brought the character to life and managed to tell the story without coming off as a lecture. You made it real, I suspect from something you might have experienced yourself.

For me personally, the beginning was a tad slow. You included details that I'm sure are important to you, but not necessarily needed for the reader to grasp your message. One concept that almost every writer struggles with is the show not tell. It's not easy to do, but let me try to give you an example to show what I mean: Two years after coming back from the Vietnam War, Roscoe was driving to an appointment at the VA hospital. As the rain pelted his car, suddenly Roscoe noticed a mudslide ahead. With his heart pounding so hard it echoed in his head, he yanked the steering wheel to the right and slammed on the brakes. He flung open the door and sprinted to the pile of mud. Gulping, he noticed that a car was buried under the mud. Forcing himself to move carefully, he began digging with his bare hands.
I know that's a long example and it isn't perfect, but I hope it shows you what I mean. I'd start with something like this to grab the reader's attention immediately. Then slowly you can sprinkle other details throughout.

You have some amazing stories to tell and I have no doubt that God will use your words to touch many hearts. Your ending is wonderful. It evoked all kinds of emotions in me and I can feel the Holy Spirit using your words to make differences in many different people. You did a nice job of incorporating the topic throughout this story. Keep writing, I look forward to reading more from you.
I love this story! My father is a Vietnam War Vet and suffers even to this day from PTSD. He tells limited details of heroic moments of his military service. He talks minimally about his relationships and the deaths he witnessed. He just can't seem to talk about the details that impact him the most. I love that you are giving a voice to these brave soldiers who were not cherished as they should have been upon their return. I hope to read more about this character and to learn more about the experiences my dad had while in Vietnam. Thank you!!!
Enjoyed reading your story. You have a journalistic style that is thorough and detailed, but might come off to some as a little cold and matter-of-fact. I agree with the critique that encourages more showing instead of telling. It will definitely come with time and practice. Thanks for sharing this important and dramatic story.

Robert! You Won Third place! Congratulations! It took me months before I placed that high, four months to be exact. This is a great win! I am so happy for you....

Blessings, Lynn
Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level and 28 overall!! The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.