The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Nice story. A few well placed comma's would make it read a little more clearly. What is it about Sun Chips? My grandson's love them too!
One comment about the phrase where the little girl "smiled and her face split in two" - that seems a bit radical for the image you had in mind - just my opinion.
I thought this such a sweet and touching story that brought forth an incredible message of innocence, and "out of the mouth of babes" so comes love and astounding wisdom.

I loved this! You nailed the subject beautifully, and managed to do so in a sweet and endearing way.

Great job!!

God bless~
Sweet story. You are a good story teller and have what it takes to write. It was just a tad bit easy to foretell what was going to happen though. Readers like to be surprised.

It is so tempting to use our first thought or idea for where the story is going. Yet sometimes it is the fifth or sixth idea that makes a story great.

However, you did a good job with this, and I hope to read your future entries.

Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards)