The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/16/14
Bravo! Excellent! Well written, nice, descriptive piece. My only suggestion is on the boy's words. He spoke in more adult terms at the end. Not sure if it sounded like a child anymore. Other than that I think this is a fabulous piece of work. PS--Why are you in the beginners section?
01/16/14
Good lesson and a well-told story. I would suggest that you not use the topic of the week's challenge in the story—many do, but the judges tend not to like to see such an obvious reference.
01/16/14
Excellent writing for a "beginner" as you have appointed yourself! I love the intro to this story.
One thing I would suggest is always capitalize Grandpa, as the reader associates him with the boy throughout the story, and I would not refer to him anywhere in the story as "the grandpa". Just beginning the sentence in question with something like, 'Then Grandpa said..."
And also, the last line seems tacked on and could use some work. Overall, great story - we can see the potential you have!
01/18/14
This is a very lovely story with much description. I enjoyed it very much, and it's right on topic.
01/18/14
This article does not belong in the beginner's level. It is excellently written with a comforting message. I loved the interaction between the grandfather and the boy. Very well done!
01/19/14
You're off to a great start! A little polish needed in grammar and style, but I loved your opening paragraphs, and how you weaved the narrative to fit the topic.

As mentioned, it's not necessary to add "the end" at the end :-) of the story.

Keep writing and reading!
That was a great story, very captivating from beginning to end.I enjoyed reading it
Unbelievable that you classified yourself as a "beginner". That takes humility when you have such a powerful gift bestowed upon you by our Lord.

This was wonderful, endearing, enduring. A story I would be proud to share . . .
I really enjoyed this piece. There was a lot of information in it, yet the reader was unaware he/she was learning because of the interesting way in which you shared it through the Grandfather and grandson. Very nice.

I too, would leave the last line out, as it trivializes the piece a little.

I'm not sure why so many reviewers question the level we choose for these challenges, as we are merely following the rules and suggestions of the site. If we are not professional writers and haven't won a challenge in the Beginner's level -- we are beginners. But it is a nice compliment to be asked.
01/22/14
Nice story and very well written. I do, however, agree with previous comments on two points. I would have left off the last sentence. It takes away from the piece. Also, the last dialouge from the little boy seemed too "grown up" for him. Great job!