The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/02/13
What a fascinating concept: living copyright clauses. You develop this well. The ending stirs me to reflection - I like it when a meditation pulls me in that way. Great take on this topic.
You do a nice job of using the children's conflict to pull the reader into the story right away.

The only red ink I might offer is instead of telling eye and hair color, use that spot to paint a picture of the character's emotions. Ex: Joey crossed his arms and stared at Renee.

Overall, you do a great job of writing on topic while delivering a great message. You did such a nice job of showing the message that you really didn't need that last paragraph because you have already made the reader stop and think from your well-written examples. You did a fine job.
08/05/13
Good job with this powerful piece. I like the way you started and made a steady progression, and you wind up with an important message at the end.

NIcely done. God bless~
08/08/13
Congratulations! God bless~
As we continue to grow, we have to continually look for someone more mature to follow so we don't stunt our growth.

Good thoughts.