The Official Writing Challenge
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I think you did a nice job with this heartfelt story. You developed your characters and made them feel real. This could be many kids all over the country. It seems like many parents and kids have a messed up sense of priorities.

Try to do more showing and less telling. For example, you could start off with something like: "Why did you allow the accident to happen? Some God you are!" Marissa threw her arms in the air as she lashed out. Also be aware of a POV shift. The reader only can see, hear or know what the MC does. You could describe what Marissa is doing, but you can't go inside each girl's head without shifting the POV. It can be tricky sometimes, but I believe once you start focusing on it, you will be able to come up with creative ways to show the reader what your MC sees.

I liked how you wove the topic throughout the story. You also developed the conflict right away which pulls the reader into the story. I liked your ending. By leaving it open ended, you make the reader stop and think about your message. You also transitioned from the past to present in a smooth way. Nice job.
Good flow in the story.

I like the short paragraphs and conversations.

Story illustrates what too many in America do: turn their hearts to embrace things of the world. This makes a good warning to us all.
07/23/13
Good title, good message and really good story with a powerful ending.

God bless~