Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Thump (05/30/13)
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TITLE: I have been thumped
By C. Roxanna Tineo
06/05/13 -
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I am knocked out, I don’t know why
Feels like it follows me everywhere
It comes and hits me once again.
I’m asking why, I’m on my knees
and I could cry a sea of tears
It feels so hard, I’ve lost my breath
Oh Lord, please help me have more faith.
And yes, I know it sounds so sad
Will I get up, get my strength back?
All is clouded up in my head
My zest for life, no longer there.
Just came to me, not expecting it
Who is to blame? The pain...so real
I turn to see who gave the blow
There is no one there...thump, thump, thump.
Thump! So raw and cold, a dulling pound
I can’t run or hide, it’s got me down
It’s piercing, hurtful, and nothing kind
Has changed the beatings of my proud heart.
I need your love
Please! Save me now
This pain is deep
I’m losing ground.
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The opening verse was my favorite, just for the line with being thumped by life. It was fresh and original. I did like how the verses became smaller and shorter as I read to the end, it really helped to drive the impact home. Great job!
I kind of wish it had a different title, only because it felt like it didn't do such a wonderful piece justice. :) But I know titles are tricky. Thanks for sharing this!
God bless you~