The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Wow this did not take me where I expected it to and that's a great thing. You had me in suspense and my mind racing to all different scenarios. You did a great job of building the characters and story in so few words.

I noticed some tiny punctuation errors like not having a comma before the word but. You may want to check out a great reference book called Elements of Style by Strunk and White. There is also a website that I use quite often that is helpful:
I also noticed you switched from the past tense to the present near the end of the story. try to stay consistent with the tense. Though I find it difficult to write in the present tense, this story would have done well in that tense(except for her remembering of course which would still be in the past)

You really did a wonderful job of this. I could feel the grief emanating from the page and my heart hurt right along with the MC's. You covered the topic too with the Church bells being a grim reminder instead of a comfort. (Do Church bells ring at night usually? It really doesn't matter but was just a fleeting thought. You have literary license to make them ring and I suspect in some towns they might.) Again you did a fantastic job with this story from beginning to end. Many writers have difficulties with coming up with a good ending with such a word limit, but you handled it quite well.
So sad, but so well written. You did a good job keeping me in suspense, wondering what was going on. Not every writer can do that well. Definitely didn't see where this was going. Well done. This should place well.
Good writing, powerful ending. I didn't understand at first, the "usual routine" - then re-read it to see. It made my heart so sad, I felt the anguish and pain, it jumped off the page. Great job with this sobering piece!

God bless~
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