The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/07/13
The first four and a half paragraphs are ample description of depression - the disease. The final part of the essay is a hopeful exit to the problem. A little heavy at the beginning and a need for balance. The first half of the essay really needs to be discussed and understood through therapy. Depression is a very serious mental illness.
05/07/13
Good devotional - You have a lot of good thoughts here, but they are presented in general statements. It would help to include specific details and examples. Keep writing. You have some nice thoughts.
This is an interesting essay on depression and how it can not just impact the one person, but ripples outward and can touch others as well.

I wonder if you had turned this into a story about a person with depression and how it affected not only the MC, but many others, if that might have helped pull the reader in more. I know not everyone is able to either write fiction or share a real personal story so I understand that, but if it is something you're interesting in exploring, I have a feeling you would be quite good at it because I can feel the passion in your words.

These lines: Forever doesnt exist in this world, despite holding until our knuckles are white. Mirrors reflect intense loneliness as we stare into ourselves.
are outstanding examples of showing and not telling. For me they evoked all kinds of emotions and my heart hurt for those who feel that way. Keep writing and allowing God to use you to glorify his name. Only you can write the stories that Jesus places on your heart.