The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a powerful allegory. I like the examples that you have given. The only thing I might suggest is just take it a step further and tell us a little bit more. Paint a vivid picture and then transition into your message. You make the reader think and that is always good.
I liked this. The format was different, creative. You created interesting word pictures. I liked the variety of sentence structures. Some were like a prizefighters jabs, short and effective strikes. I usually don't comment on poetry ( not really my area) but your weaving it in here works well, especially the dripping format (Like an unseen leak..). Well written and effective message.
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