The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Titivating! What a sad tale repeated everywhere for the same reason - lack of a relationship with God through Jesus, the Christ. I enjoyed the spacing - easy to read. Thank you.

Loving you in through and because of Jesus, the Christ . . .

Have you "thrown a brick"?

What a horrible story--not because of your writing but because this is true all over the world. I am blessed by where I live and it is hard for me to wrap my head around such atrocities, but the story must be told.

For me personally, it felt slightly stilted to me. I think it's because you do more telling than showing. One way you might be able to fix this would be to tell part of the back story by using the characters on the bus. For example something like this might work: A lady watched from the window, she covered her face when the first man crumpled to the ground. Wrapping his arm, around his wife, he shushed her. "If they don't hear your accent, they may not realize we are considered the enemy."
I know that's not the best example, but I hope it helps.

I think you did a great job of writing on topic. It's so important that the world hears stories like this. I think the ending was great. Jesus is truly our only hope for salvation no matter where we live. Thank you for sharing such an important story.
Prolifc and profound message to be found in this graphic and uncomfortable tale. You've managed to stir up horrific images, and although it's difficult to realize this happens, it is a sign of a good writer to evoke such emotions from the reader.

Good job.

God bless~
Congratulations for placing 12th in your level! The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
Your story is haunting. I'm so glad there is a solution to life's sorrows. You writing put me in this story.